Kim Bauer is annoying as hell

Kim Bauer is annoying as hell.

I’ve been watching the first season of Kiefer Sutherland’s 24 (Wikipedia) over the past week and am four episodes into the second season. Jack Bauer’s daughter has so far repeatedly and consistently done the stupidest things causing grief for both her parents and any sane viewer.

This little post was finally instigated by her reacting indignantly to a doctor confronting her about signs of abuse on the little girl she just started taking care of as a nanny in Season 2 (PPS). Why the hell would she react this way when she has already realized that the girl’s father is an abusive prick (oh hey, he’s on Revolution)? Why would she not immediately tell the doctor that the previous injuries must’ve been caused by her abusive father? Why would she interpret the doctor as accusing her at all? It makes no sense whatsoever.

As for Season 1 (PPS), there is just no escaping the thought that if Kim Bauer simply did not sneak out of the house, she would’ve saved her parents Jack and Teri Bauer at least 24 hours of grief. True, there’s a bit of victim-blaming in that, especially since there is no reasonable correlation between sneaking out of the house and getting yourself kidnapped, but still, as far as the plot goes, that one decision to sneak out of the house precipitated an entire subplot that led to mother getting raped, among other things.

Like, what the hell? If my decisions and actions led to that, the guilt would kill me.

OKAY, fine, as far as the plot goes, we’re forced to conclude that Kim was actually lured out of the house as part of a sophisticated plot to use her as leverage to control Jack. Therefore, it wasn’t really Kim’s decision that precipitated all the grief the Bauer family eventually goes through.

Still, if she had told her friend Janet York, “nah, I’m not gonna sneak out to meet some random boys I don’t know”, that would’ve put a wrench into said sophisticated plot. So, her decision to be a dumbass teen still contributed to the entire 24 hour tragedy.

Oh wow, Jack just shotgunned a dog. Animal rights groups must’ve had a field day with that one back in 2002.

S02E05: Oh great, after her father explicitly tells her not to tell anyone about the nuclear bomb threat to Los Angeles to avoid a panic, she goes on to tell her boyfriend. Of all the antagonists in 24, Kim Bauer is the worst.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Fine for Kids But Lacking Depth for Adults

Marvel’s Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (Wikipedia) television show ties into the Marvel Cinematic Universe films, starting after the events of The Avengers (Wikipedia/IMDB).

I’ve watched up to episode 11 on Youku (神盾局特工 第一季), and I’m not sure I can continue giving the show any more of my attention.

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Captain Phillips: Killing Skinny Somali Pirates On Principle

Captain Phillips movie poster.I watched Captain Phillips (Wikipedia/IMDB) on a pirated DVD (菲利普斯船长) purchased for 12 RMB. I haven’t seen it on a Chinese streaming service or video site so far.

The film is based on the 2009 hijacking of an American cargo container ship, the Maersk Alabama, by Somali pirates who subsequently took Captain Richard Phillips hostage, played by Tom Hanks here. Eventually, US military forces save the day in impressive fashion, but the movie is as much about Captain Phillips’ own efforts to keep his crew safe, his experience being held captive, and essentially why it sucks to be a Somali.

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Unknown: Why Method Acting Is Dangerous for Assassins Riding Taxis

Unknown movie poster.I watched another movie last night after the torture that was Trespass because I didn’t want to go to sleep angry. What I watched was Unknown (Wikipedia/IMDB), also on PPStream (未知/不明身份/神秘白种男子/无名杀机/狙击陌生人).

The movie introduces Liam Neeson, as a Dr. Martin Harrison, arriving with his wife Liz (oh hey, it’s Don Draper’s wife) in a snowy Berlin, Germany, for a biotech conference where he’s supposed to give a presentation. While rushing back to the airport where he lost his briefcase containing his passport, a refrigerator falls off a truck and sends his taxi crashing off a bridge and into a river whereupon his head hits the rear passenger window and is knocked unconscious. The pretty taxi driver, played by Diane Kruger, selflessly breaks the rear window and manages to pull him ashore but his heart has stopped. When he wakes up from his coma, his world is turned upside-down when his wife apparently no longer recognizes him, another man has assumed his identity (oh hey, it’s Captain Gregson), and he has no way of proving he is who he thinks he is.

Aidan Quinn as the second Martin Harrison in Unknown, next to January Jones as Liz, Martin's wife.

People have pointed out how Unknown is similar to quite a few other past movies like The Bourne Identity (Wikipedia/IMDB) and Total Recall (Wikipedia/IMDB). Such comparisons are legit but don’t change the fact that Unknown is a very enjoyable movie to watch.

Of course, there are a few plot points that require a bit more suspension of disbelief than some may prefer, such as why Martin isn’t a lot more suspicious about what’s going on when he wife is seemingly so useless that he can disappear for four days and she isn’t capable of finding him, language-barrier and Thanksgiving holiday be damned. Specifically, if I saw what I believed to be my wife, in an evening dress at a party mingling with other guests (@0:17:40), after four days of being in a coma, waking up alone in a hospital to discover that she hasn’t found me, my first words to her would not be some expression of relief at having found her, but an expression of utter disbelief that she is in an evening dress mingling at a party at all instead of frantically trying to find me.

“WHY THE FUCK DIDN’T YOU LOOK FOR ME?!?”

My hands may or may not be around her neck at this point. There’s pretty much no excuse for a loving wife to not be riding the local police, searching hospitals, morgues, and gutters for a husband that suddenly disappeared four days ago. There just isn’t. This is total “what the fuck did I marry and why am I still married to this heartless wretch” territory.

What was slightly irksome was Martin’s repeated (@0:21:10 and @0:33:30) foot-stomping that the police arrest his “imposter” even after he is forced to recognize that he has no objective evidence at all to prove who he is and the other guy actually apparently has an overwhelming amount of evidence. I understand it is disorientating, that reality has seemingly suddenly and inexplicably been turned upside-down, but shouldn’t you be screaming “WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!?” in that situation instead of embarrassing yourself by obstinately insisting on having someone arrested on your mere say-so? Doesn’t that evidence a complete inability to put yourself in other people’s shoes when approaching a problem?

Martin Harrison demanding that his imposter be arrested.

Martin Harrison demanding that his imposter be arrested, again.

Yeah, I get that not everyone has the same thought processes as I do, especially when one’s mind is being fucked with, but still…

There’s also a reasonably spectacular car chase in the movie. Thing is, the longer a car chase goes on for and the faster the cars drive side-by-side with one trying to get away and the other one trying to sideswipe them off the road, the more frustrated I get, wondering why the former doesn’t have the obvious realization that slamming on the brakes and suddenly changing direction (at a convenient intersection or something) would probably be a great way to lose latter.

If you have the wits to continuously drive at high-speed, in an often traffic-heavy urban environment, without crashing and horrifically mowing down random pedestrians, in your effort to escape your pursuer, then you surely have the wits to fake out your pursuer if they’re stupid enough to catch up and drive right next to you.

Yeah, I get that not everyone has the same thought processes as I do, especially when one is fleeing for their lives, but still…

That all said, Liam Neeson’s acting is great, the supporting characters were largely pleasant, and the villains/antagonists sufficiently menacing. Okay, maybe the entire role of Jurgen as the ex-Stasi was a bit extraneous to the plot. I mean, what did he really do that Martin couldn’t have done himself or made do without? Still, he was kind of adorable, right? Oh, and the slightly rotating camera effect (for example @0:38:58) whenever Martin encounters something that makes him question his understanding of reality is a nice touch, even if a bit cliche.

Granted, Unknown probably isn’t a movie that will leave a lasting impression throughout your life because of some profound idea or emotion, but it is a movie you will finish with a feeling of solid satisfaction.

4/5 stars.

2 Guns: Why Does Mark Wahlberg Always Have Such Funny Lines?

2 Guns movie poster.My Sunday afternoon movie: 2 Guns (Wikipedia/IMDB) on PPStream (双龙出手/双枪).

Denzel Washington has always been a good actor to watch, with decent to sometimes good movies. However, I’ve always been fascinated by Mark Wahlberg, ever since I saw The Big Hit (Wikipedia/IMDB) in my college days. How does this guy consistently have roles that involve deadpan humor and funny blank stares?

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R.I.P.D.: Derivative Slapstick Comedy Without Any Pretense

R.I.P.D. Rest in Peace Department movie poster.I remember seeing a preview for R.I.P.D. (Wikipedia/IMDB) while at the theaters on a visit to the States and immediately concluding it was M.I.B. (Wikipedia/IMDB) with dead people (“deados”) instead of aliens. Granted, everyone in the theater probably thought the same thing, to the point where me mentioning this at all makes me feel embarrassingly like Captain Obvious.

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